While doing our bi-monthly shopping the other day, I had a discovery. Thanks to the woman that was in the next aisle, I learned an important lesson about attitude. No matter how badly things are going, we shouldn't take that out on our kids. It's not their fault that life isn't going our way and nothing is turning out the way we planned. It is our fault if their life is miserable though. We as parents are responsible for raising our children - even if we don't get our way. I stood there with my family, listening to this woman go on and on about how much of a pain her kid was and how she needed help because he was so horrible. I was hoping that she was at least talking to another adult, but no - it was her son!!! I don't know how old he was - I never saw him - but he evidently walked on and did his own thing because that woman walked to our aisle to shop. I felt badly for the boy, but also for my own kids. Mainly for the fact that they had to listen to her, but also because it made me realize that even though I do not degrade my children the way she was, I do not always watch my tone of voice when talking to them. So, even though I really wish that she had have been nicer to her son, I am grateful for the lesson -
(1) don't take frustration out on your children, it's not their fault if things don't go your way.
I feel like it is important to learn from mistakes. Our own mistakes...and those that we observe others making. It is probably easier for us to learn from our own mistakes because we know firsthand what the consequence will be. But when we see others making some bad choices, we need to use that as a lesson as well. Being aware of the outcome of whatever situation is a good way to make better decisions. When we as parents make bad decisions for our children, then they are not getting the care and the love they need. When we as people make bad decisions then we are setting ourselves up to get hurt.
My whole mommy life, I have not always taken situations and turned them into something to learn from. In fact, the thought didn't dawn on me that I could learn from other parents' mistakes and help with my own parenting until one day in the doctor's office. It was last year and I was there with my two younger children. My mother and brother went with us that day, and the waiting area was packed. I became aware of an older mom who had a son that was close to the same age as my oldest child. He had found a book and was reading it to her. At first, I thought the moment was nice - until I realized she was making him read. Every time that poor child pronounced a word wrong or had a hard time sounding it out, she made him sit there and read it over and over again maybe twenty times. He would be begging to stop but she would say "Can you tell me what this word is now?" and make him keep reading until they called him back. I felt so bad for him but it helped me to see I need to be more patient with Kim when she reads. I never punished her for getting a word wrong, but sometimes I did have a tendency to sigh and try to hurry her up. At that moment, I was grateful for the lesson that mom taught me -
(2) be more patient with your child, even when they are reading.
As I have mentioned in other posts, I am not by no means perfect. So I hope that I have helped others on those days when I have had the kids out by myself and they all wanted to act up at the same time. I am not a very patient person by nature, so yes I do have a tendency to get frustrated when the kids have fits or don't cooperate. It's not something I am proud of, but it is something I am working on. I am learning from my own mistakes - even those from my early mommy years. My main focus is constantly on these lessons I pointed out : not taking frustration out on your children, and be more patient with your children.
If not for God, I would not be improving on my short-comings. He is the only way that I have been able to learn from mistakes and help me to strive to always be a better wife and mother. There is always room for improvement, because NO ONE is perfect except for GOD.
